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I used to want to die.Take a look at this papers background… It’s blank right?
That’s what your life is every day if you do nothing about it.
The world is your canvas you paint it, not anyone else.
Pick up your paint brush and paint a beautiful sky that you want to see everyday
Or YOU choose to paint a tornado that takes everything from you, and eventually takes your life if you paint it too many times.
Trust me. It isn’t worth it. I know that’s it is hard, you tell me you can’t do it but you can. My God or your God believes you can get through this!
He believes that you are tougher than every person around you.
He believes th
Brokeback PewdieCry[This fic is actually too long to upload here, so please go to my FanFiction account, or go straight (hue) to the fic here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9301339/1/Brokeback-PewdieCry]
Sleep ParalysisThe demon visited me once again today.
Yes, today. Not tonight or the night before or after; times you’d think a demon would be out. This demon knows no such boundaries, it would seem, and so it usually visits me in the morning.
I lay in bed, having woken up much earlier than I wanted or needed to, with my eyes shut in hopes of remedying the situation. My body relaxed several times, and I felt sleep just within my grasp…
But several times my body found some fault with the split second-imagery of my dreams and jolted me awake, leaving me frustrated, but not deterred.
I would prefer it to what happens next.
The final time I shut
I reread the note todayHe was so self-conscious that he began to come across as bizarre: a thin young man with gaunt cheekbones who slouched around the edges of conversations waiting for a chance to politely cut in, but to those more extroverted he seemed a creep or a voyeur. I knew him a year in silent passing before we had a conversation on the winding staircase beside the wall of windows.
Paused with intention, he stood above me and, backlit by a pale grey January morning, I could see all the blackened angles of his figure in contrast with his hands which rested bright upon the railing: smooth and golden, sparsely haired. When he smiled, he bared all his teeth,
Important You see a different side of a people when they sleep. Some people become rolling and boiling oceans, thrashing around in fits of emotional rage. Others become soft trains, riding down a long peaceful track. Even still, some make an unconscious decision to tell you their life story.
For me, my person becomes a beautiful place of serenity. Whilst he's awake, he's comical, vibrant, and alive. But sleeping, all of those wonderful attributes that make him him, they all become much quieter. All stress and anxiety seemingly disappear from under his radar, leaving only peace of mind and calm. While sleeping, he is more than beautiful.
Sleep is important. But for me, it is not for the reasons scientists say it is. It is a chance to find beauty in those around you where you may not commonly see it, Sleep is a chance to hold someone close, when you're too fearful while conscious.
Find your beauty. N
Forever LetterDear You,
I've known you for a long time and I thought that we could tell
each other anything, but now I know it isn't true. I knew that
your condition was worsening, but I didn't know it was so bad.
I found out that you had cancer the other day. You tried to hide
it from me, but I found the chemo dates in that pocket in your
bag you thought hid everything from the world. From me. From
me, your only trusted person in the universe. And that's not all
Those chemotherapy dates were expired, past. You've been through
maybe six or seven tests now. And I talked to your doctor about
it and he told me that you have maybe three weeks l
SometimesSometimes, you feel like giving up. In your mind, you had given up all hope and all that’s left to do is to quietly disappear in a corner. Perhaps you didn’t have enough courage to continue moving on; afraid of failure, you stand still in the road called life, unsure of what to do next. Fear of being unable to stop what’s going to happen next, fear of being unable to prevent that same mishap from happening again, fear of falling again after that one thousand failures. Because of that fear, you’re moving further from me.
“Now all I want to do is forget this ever happened. Forget it all, go to sleep, and never wak
The Standard TwistWhat’s considered Normal
If we're all considered Odd,
Is Normal having no beliefs,
Is Normal loving God?
Is Normal picking up a smoke,
And lying down to rest,
Is Normal being better than you can be,
Is Normal really the best?
Is Normal a thing I can strive for,
Is it something I should be,
Is Normal the word you'd use to describe,
What you see when you see me?
In a world full of questions,
I like to ask myself,
If normal is something we aim for,
Why all those trophies on our shelves?
Because awards come from Oddity,
Where you do things with your heart,
And if you do them Normally,
You're hopeless from the start,
Oddity is what
A Stand for Sexuality.I’ve been waiting a while to get the chance and write this just to put it out there and try and make a difference. First of all;
Definition of Homosexual:
(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.
• involving or characterized by sexual attraction between people of the same sex: homosexual desire.
a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.
Definition of Homophobia:
an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.
Now I guarantee that so many people who are homophobic or are uncomfortable with homosexuals, bisexuals, or anyone that is not hetero
If OnlyIf only you could understand the depths to which I hate myself; like a maniac bottled inside a cage with barbed wire around his throat. If only you could see the blood I've shed, bottled up and buried with the last remnants of my being, just to stop offending your eyes. If only you could fathom the horrors these two eyes have lived; so potent in the night, rendering me sleepless still. If only you could feel the fire burning in my chest; the relentless yearning transfixed behind thick walls of flesh. If only you could touch the longing; so desperate, like a fish that swims through sewers, calling out behind dark corners; begging for another l
Twisted SmilesI stand here looking at the cloudy sky above me. It smiles its most maniacal smiles and laughs as rain begins to pour from the murky heavens. I simply stare into the rain and begin to smile back.
It is my most delirious smile, full of mischief and laughter. The rain responds with a quiet gust of laughing wind. My twisted smile, it curves even further.
I take a deep breath and laugh, knowing that inside of this madness, that this is where I want to be. It is here where my heart desires to be, it is here where I belong, it is here where I am immersed in this sunken abyss.
The raven with his call of laughter, he never seemed so loud. Even in
This ManThis man is different from Pa. He's like a distinct reflection, making my world and understanding different than before.
Ma says that this man once told her that Pa was stupid to drop our family. After that, I always sat in my room--well, a room not MY room--wondering..........what was so special about my family? We're probably one of the worst families there is. A lost woman, now the head of a bunch of lost members, a dazed teenager, an isolated gamer, a quick tempered girl and two pets, who would want to choose us?
His family is more interesting. His wife is one of the religious group leaders at church, his daughter is a high school gradu
Blame and TrustNo one really thinks about it when they pick up the knife,
“Yo-ho! I’m here, the party can start now baby!” a girl with dark brown hair, it could be easily be mistaken as black in shadows. In truth there was a faint violent tang to it from her most recent hair-dye. She wore a black tank top and blue jeans there were broken on the knees. A black wrist band and her hair was clipped up making it spike and bounce with each step. Her shoes were black but had a white stripe on the very bottom. She also wore a dark azure ring on the opposite hand, around her middle finger. The way her right side of her face was a long thick hair l
Pre and Post Routine"Cut, cut, cut my skin
Take my pain away.
Quickity, quickity, quickity, quick
I wash it down the drain.
Now, now, let it bleed
Let them bleed away.
Soon, soon, they will heal
And scars they will be made."
I stood in front of the mirror, undressed with the shower on behind me. My face turned sour at my reflection making it all too easy to duck down and take the pencil sharpener blade from my pocket. Easily I could see the marks where my too-tight-bra would grip and began slicing inside those lines.
At first they weren't deep enough. Then I pressed harder and cut wildly on my side, back, the side of and underneath my breast, and then low in
Why I Liewhen i lie,
it's not because i think your stupid enough to believe it,
it's not because it makes me feel good,
it's not because,
it's not because of any of the things that you suggest,
it's because i have trust issues,
not with you,
not with the people i talk to,
not with the people i lie (or tell the truth) to,
but with myself,
and the words that come out of my mouth,
because the words get twisted,
or said in the wrong tone,
and i just don't want to hurt you,
so you don't feel sad or upset with me for the right reasons,
because if your angry or upset with me for the wrong reasons,
i feel what i want to feel
Love Is...a lot of songs have things about love in them
some songs say what love is
2 examples of this are;
in the song 1925 by Hatsune Miku it says:
"What is love?", would you rather hear the truth?
It's something that you LOse or giVE straight out.
It's just a stone that's hard to crack,
I don't care about a diamond.
but in the song Egoselfish by Marina it sings about love
and one of the lines is:
does our "egoselfishness" make it exist?
but i think love is the feeling,
of wanting someone elses happiness
more than you want your own.
so, may i ask,
Do you pick
or do you pick
Fearwhen most people are asked,
what do you fear most?
they say things like;
but what i fear most,
is that the person i tell
my greatest fear to,
will use it,
and make me their slave
a slave to fear.
and i think it's fair to say,
that most people fear,
facing their true selves the most.
in the fear that everyone they care about will reject them.
Most Important Thingwhat's the most important thing to you?
is it friends?
is it your notepad and pen?
your drawing utensils?
or the sofa?
or the sun?
i'll tell your what the most important thing is to me.
it's the fact that i'm alive to enjoy all these wonderful things and more
although i sometimes,
okay, most of the time,
and wish i wasn't born.
right now i'm glad i was,
so i can enjoy these things,
even the things that make me cry.
so i think i will treasure all these things,
until the day i die
Falling Into The Wonderland Of...I'm falling into a world,
not everything makes sense in this world,
monsters loom at every corner,
death could come at every turn,
I'm finding myself loosing my sense of time,
and getting attached to things and people I've just met,
I want it to end,
but I know when it does,
I will want to come back,
this place is magical,
it draws me in,
This isn't the wonderland that Alice fell into,
but it's sometimes very similar,
i'm falling into the wonderland,
and all the things I love.
I'm falling into the wonderland,
of my room with the door closed,
where I can be anyone,
The Hate Filled Truththere is one person i truly hate.
i hate the way this person always acts like they're everyone's friend.
i hate the way they can never express themselves.
i loathe the way this person is always smiling and acting happy.
the thing i hate most,
about this person,
A Reason to LiveIf only she had the guts to actually do it, to just leap among the cold waves and sink in death among the fish. She breathed in the smell and taste of saltwater, and water sprays hit her face, neck, and chest. She shivered slightly in the breeze from the waves, but she wasn’t really bothered by the chill. What weighed on her mind was something much deeper than the weather.
A pang of apprehension penetrated her heart as she envisioned her body being plunged into the water and weighted down by the strong waves. She thought about what it would be like to gulp in mouthful after mouthful of water, choking and never feeling any relief, b
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More